Sermon Notes from Sunday, September 26, 2010

Here are my sermon notes from this past Sunday, September 26 where I introduced the actual three cords as seen in Matthew 6:1-18 and then set some goals for the next four months for our church in these areas. Click here to read these notes.

Quotes from Dietrich Bonhoeffer

As you gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.

DIETRICH BONHOEFFER, Letters and Papers from Prison, 27-28

In a word, live together in the forgiveness of your sins, for without it no human fellowship, least of all a marriage, can survive.

DIETRICH BONHOEFFER, Letters and Papers from Prison, 31

God gives you Christ as the foundation of your marriage. “Welcome one another, therefore, as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Rom. 15:7). . . . Don’t insist on your rights, don’t blame each other, don’t judge or condemn each other, don’t find fault with each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts.

DIETRICH BONHOEFFER, Letters and Papers from Prison, 31-32

It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they should lead them.

DIETRICH BONHOEFFER, Letters and Papers from Prison, 31

All of these quotes are from This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

Sermon Notes from Sunday, September 19, 2010

Here are the notes from this past Sunday's sermon "The Heart of a Disciple" from Luke 8:4-15.

Cayden

Our grandson, Cayden, at seven-and-half months old.

Sermon Notes from Sunday, September 12, 2010

I began a new series of sermons Sunday called "Three Cords of a Disciple." The first in this series was an introductory message "The Call To Be a Disciple" from Matthew 10:1-25. The notes are here.

Powerful Testimonies to Strengthen Your Marriage

Nancy Leigh DeMoss wrote today (here to read it) about taking the "D" word out of your marriage. "Take divorce out of your vocabulary." On May 11, 2010 the following was a part of her radio program and this is as powerful as it gets. Read and may your marriage be strengthened. Then pass it on to others for their marriages to be strengthened.

We affirm that marriage as created by God is a sacred, binding,
lifelong covenant between one man and one woman.”

Because of what it represents God takes it seriously when people break that covenant.

Now I realize that there are in this room undoubtedly and certainly listening by air people who are divorced through no choice or desire of their own. I don’t want to place on you a guilt trip that God’s Word doesn’t place on you. Okay? What I’m talking about here is where we have choice, where we have input. Did you know that two-thirds of divorces today are being initiated by women?

As uncomfortable as it is and as much as I risk hurting or wounding the spirit, which I don’t want to do, of someone who is in a situation that they got to through no fault of their own, we can’t avoid talking about how seriously God takes this marriage covenant.

Malachi chapter 2 addresses this. It’s one of the key passages in the Scripture on this topic. The Scripture says in Malachi 2 beginning in verse 13,

You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, "For what reason?”

Why isn’t God reviving us? Why isn’t He paying attention? Why aren’t things going right in the church? Why are we so far from God? Here’s the answer:

Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously.

Some of the other translations say, “You have broken faith with her” (NIV).

Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. [Remember a covenant is a lifelong binding vow.] But did He not make them one having a remnant of the Spiri? [And why one? What’s the purpose of marriage?] He seeks godly offspring. [It’s the propagation of the gospel to the next generation.]

Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. [Do not break faith with the wife of your youth.] "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence," says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." [Or as the NIV says there, “So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.”] (verses 13-16, NKJV).

I think one of the most touching and powerful illustrations I’ve seen of a woman choosing to be a vow keeper in a culture of vow breakers is a dear friend of mine who I’ve known for many years and watched go through an extremely difficult situation in her marriage.

While she was in the midst of that situation, the woman who was counseling with her husband suggested that my friend should have divorced her husband because of his unrepentant sin. In response to that counselor’s input, my friend wrote a piece. It’s lengthy but I want to read it to you because I think it’s such a powerful illustration of the ways of God. And she titled this piece “Why I Will Not Divorce My Husband.” Let me just read it to you as she wrote it.

Nearly two years ago my husband told me that he had been involved in an adulterous affair with a younger woman for the past six months. That moment began a journey I never expected to take in my lifetime. I’ve chosen not to divorce my husband even though he refused to stop the affair for over a year after his initial confession.

Several people have questioned me about why I have made this choice. In fact, some just assumed that divorce would be an automatic response to his unfaithfulness to me. When Steve [and that’s not his real name, but I’ll just call him that] and I were married almost 25 years ago, I made a covenant with him before God and our families and friends. That covenant as I repeated my vows, was "for better or for worse as long as we both shall live."

I realize that Steve has broken his part of that covenant; however, I do not believe this means I should divorce him and break my part of the covenant.I realize there are differing opinions on the scriptural basis for divorce. Many claim the "exception clause" in Matthew 19 as the only grounds for divorce. Others refer to 1 Corinthians 7 and claim abandonment as another ground for divorce. Yet in Matthew 19 when Jesus was confronted with this issue, He made it clear that God’s plan for marriage is until death.

Later in the chapter when pressed further, Jesus replied that it was only because of hardness of heart the divorce was allowed, but "from the beginning it was not so." In Malachi 2:16, God says He hates divorce.

After studying these passages, it is obvious that God’s intent is that marriage should be for life. Even Jesus did not say to divorce even when adultery has been committed. He reiterated the Father’s heart for a lifetime covenant. I would find it very hard to pursue something or to counsel someone to do something that God says He hates.

There are even some theologians who believe that the immorality or "fornication" to which Jesus refers, [in that exception clause, that that] had taken place in the betrothal or engagement period, allowing for the betrothed couple to be "divorced."

In Ephesians 5 the marriage union is presented as a picture of Christ and the church. Think of the spiritual adultery and unfaithfulness we continually commit against our Savior as part of His church—yet Christ never divorces us. He shows mercy, grace and forgiveness to us no matter how unloving and unfaithful we are.We may break our part of the covenant, but the covenant is still not dissolved because Christ keeps His covenant. His love and forgiveness draw our hearts back to Him.

Yes, He definitely uses pain, sometimes through severe discipline, to bring godly sorrow and repentance. But He also uses His goodness or kindness to lead us to repentance. Based on these and other biblical principles, I’ve come to the conclusion in my heart that I cannot and will not divorce my husband. I want to display the true picture of Christ and the church before my husband, our children, family, friends and the world. I want to have a heart like God’s concerning my marriage covenant.

I can only come to the conclusion that His heart is marriage for life. As for the "exception clause" in Matthew 19, I think it is very possible that Jesus was not referring to adultery in marriage but to immorality during the engagement or betrothal period. All this does not excuse my husband’s sin or give him license to continue breaking his vow to me.

First Corinthians 7 speaks of the possibility of separation. I believe separation for a period of time is not unscriptural as long as the intent is to be restored. I had been at this point with Steve for a couple months prior to his stopping the affair.

There is great pain inflicted upon the innocent mate when adultery has been committed. [Some of you know that all too well.] For me, the agony has been indescribable because I felt we had such a good marriage and such a close relationship before this happened. Steve and I were best friends, soul-mates, lovers and had a ministry team for Christ. So to be replaced by another and to experience continual rejection for over a year and a half is crushing. Some would say that this kind of pain is grounds for divorce.

But what am I teaching my children by getting out of a painful relationship? Do I show them that when times get tough you can run and try to find someone else who will make you happy and not hurt you? Or do I show them that God never promises us happiness, but holiness. Do I show them by divorce that God is not strong enough to see me through pain and suffering or do I fling myself upon my Savior and receive His strength and grace and show them He is enough?

Do I present a picture of Christ and the church that is accurate—Christ never casting us off even when we sin greatly against Him? Or one that presents Christ putting us away when we break our covenant to Him?

John Piper makes this point in his book, A Godward Life. [And now she’s quoting from that book.]

Our culture has made divorce acceptable and therefore easier to justify on the basis of emotional pain. Historically, the misery of painful emotions was not a sanction for divorce in most cultures. Marriage durability—with or without emotional pain—was valued above emotional tranquility for the sake of the children, the stability of society, and in the case of Christians, for the glory of God. In Christianity such rugged and enduring marriages through pain and heartache are rooted in the marriage of God to His rebellious people whom He has never finally cast off.

Covenants are broken because it feels good to free from the commitment.Covenant breaking is a way of short-term pain reduction. But in the process of reducing our pain we destroy life.

Pain-free relationships are assumed as a right. But God promises His people something better. "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12, RSV).²

A few months ago, our son, who is 11, came to me and said that when he saw what his dad was doing to me and to him and to his sister, he initially decided he never wanted to get married. However, he went on to say that as he had watched me forgive his dad and show love and mercy over and over, he decided he wants to get married so he can show that kind of commitment to his wife and children some day. He wept as he told me this and thanked me for my example.

I wept tears of gratitude to my Lord for allowing all the pain and sorrow I had experienced to be used for good in my son’s life already. I’ve experienced the broadest spectrum of emotions these past two years. I’ve wept many tears. At times I have felt crushed into powder.

Yet I believe everything God has allowed my children and me to go through has been meant for good and for His glory. I see it as a gift to be embraced, for my Father who allowed His Son to suffer so greatly for me would not allow anything in my life with intent to harm me but only to make me more like Himself.

I have blown it many times by some of my reactions and responses. I have been angry. At times I have been so deeply discouraged that I wanted to call it quits. I have been far from perfect through it all. Yet I have such a deep joy in knowing I have chosen to obey my Savior no matter the cost.

Some have suggested that the only reason I have not divorced my husband is because I am insecure. I do not claim to be without insecurities. In fact, I don’t feel very secure in my husband’s love for me right now. I know his heart has been given to another and I find myself grasping for assurance from him that he still loves me and wants me.

But one reason I have not pursued divorce is because of my security in Christ and in His love and faithfulness to me. He has taught me for many years that I must rest in Him and not only surrender to what He allows but accept and even embrace it. I find great security in this kind of rest in my Father’s choices for me.

In fact, I have to sit back and marvel at it all. It is all Him and none of me. Throughout these painful months He has sustained and carried me even above my circumstances. His love has been so sweet and His Word so healing to my soul. I can only fall before Him in awe and gratitude that He saw fit to give me the privilege of suffering. To Him I give great glory and praise for what He has done and will continue to do.

I realize that I have no guarantee that my husband will ever love me the way he once did. I have known of people who have come through this kind of moral failure with more depth in their walk with Christ and ministry to others and with a deeper love for their spouse than ever before. That’s what I am praying and hoping for. But what if that never happens and Steve is never restored to the man he once was, or, as I pray, even better? Does that give me a basis to divorce him?

I believe not. My covenant with this man is rooted in Christ. I am in it for the long haul. All the hurt and rejection I have felt have not lessened my love for my husband. In fact, quite the opposite has happened. I knew I loved him but I never knew how much until this happened. God has given me a deeper understanding of what true love really is—His kind of love. I can only describe it as a fierce love that cannot give up on the one it loves and is committed to. I realize that great men of God disagree on the grounds of divorce. Who am I to tell them they are wrong? But I can only obey what I believe Scripture teaches on this issue.

My journey is not over. My husband and I are in the process of being restored in our marriage. There have been many times since he came home that were as tough to endure as when he was gone from us. Satan is still after him and after our marriage. I know there are still painful times ahead in this process. Yet I believe God will see our family through the days ahead as He has the past two years. I am truly grateful for what God has allowed for us. I believe He wants to use us together for His glory again someday. Until then I can only stay bowed to what God allows and continue to rest in His love.

Now I want to say to the glory of God and as a result of the tenacious, faithful covenant keeping love of this wife demonstrating God’s covenant keeping love to her husband, that couple is together today. They are walking with the Lord. Their children are walking with the Lord. And they are being used to bring glory to Him. Not without challenges, but restoration and redemption really are possible.

I’m so glad she wrote this before she saw the outcome while she was still in the throes of it. I know I’m speaking to some who are in the throes of it right now. I just thought perhaps this story would help give you some perspective, some things to think about, some questions to ask. Would you just be willing to turn your heart to the Lord and say, “Lord, I want to think Your way about this”?

“And in the decisions, the choices that I make I don’t want to rely on the counsel of the world or what everyone else around me says I should do. I want to know what Your Word says, and I want my life to reflect Your covenant keeping love and Your faithfulness.”

And oh God, I pray that You would restore marriages that have been broken, that You would restore us to Your covenant and to the permanence of the marriage covenant. And I pray that You would be redeeming and restoring that which the devil has tried to steal and destroy, that You would restore and renew it. I pray for women today who are struggling to be faithful. Oh God, would You give them grace? Would You help them? Would Your faithfulness be their stay and help them to stay the course?

Oh God, be glorified as we do marriage for Your glory and to represent to the world what You are like. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Real Lasting Rest

(Author: Paul Tripp)

Do you ever struggle with God's sovereignty? Do you wonder why he has ordained for you to face the things you face? Are you ever tempted to doubt his goodness or question his love? Or do you experience rest of heart even when your relationships are messy and your circumstances are difficult? The following words are about where the rest can be found.

I did it again and again when our children resisted our instruction and correction. I did it again and again when they debated a command or questioned our plans. I did it again and again when they opposed our authority and quested for self-rule. I did it again and again for two good reasons.

To begin with, my wife and I had brought children into this world who thought they didn't need us! Like us, each of them at some point fell into believing they were far more knowledgeable and capable than they really were. Like us, they often assumed that their intentions were noble and their plans were sound. Like us, they tended to think they were capable of determining what was best, even when they lacked important information and experience. Like we often do, they simply felt they were in possession of a better way.

But there was a second reason I did it again and again. Our children were too young to grasp the abstract, strategic, and often theological purposes underlying my instruction. Even if I explained everything in as age-appropriate a way as I could, they would still have no actual understanding. They just did not yet have the categories or the capacity to grasp the parental logic behind the plan or command.

So I did the same thing again and again. I would kneel down in front of them at eye level and say, "Please look at Daddy's face. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know that your Daddy is not a mean, bad man? Do you know that I would never ask you to do anything that would hurt you or make you sick? I am sorry that you can't understand why Daddy is asking you to do this. I wish I could explain it to you, but you are too young to understand. So I am going to ask you to do something—trust Daddy. When you walk down the hallway to do what Daddy has asked you to do, say to yourself, 'My Daddy loves me. My Daddy would never ask me to do something bad. I am going to trust my Daddy and stop trying to be the Daddy of my Daddy.'"

God does the same thing with you, over and over again. He meets you in one of the difficult hallways of your life, kneels down before you in condescending love, and asks you to trust his loving and wise rule, even though you don't have a clue what he is doing.

He knows there are many times when your life doesn't look like there is anyone ruling it, let alone someone wise and good. He knows there will be times when you will wish you could be the author of your own story. He knows that at times you will be overwhelmed by what is on your plate. He knows that his plan will confuse and confound you. And he knows that real rest cannot be found in understanding, because, like my children, there are things, as a limited human being, you simply do not have the capacity to understand.

Real rest is found in trusting the Person who is in control of the things you don't understand.

He is willing to have the conversation with you again and again, and he has made sure that his Word assures you of his rule again and again. (For just a few examples, see 1 Chronicles 29:11-12, Psalm 103:19, Psalm 115:3, Proverbs 21:1, Isaiah 46:9-10, Daniel 4:35, and Ephesians 1:11.)

Sermon Notes from Sunday, September 5, 2010

Here are the sermon notes from this past Sunday's sermon "Security - Ain't Nobody Can Do Anything About It" from Romans 8:33-39. This will be the last of the sermon series from Romans until next year when we will pick up with Romans 9.