When A Child Is Worshipped by Bob Russell

 Twice in recent days I’ve been asked to speak to parents about rearing Godly children. Church leaders are increasingly concerned about young people defecting from the faith once they reach college age. Research indicates that nearly two-thirds of young adults who grew up in church stop attending regularly for at least a time. Many later return, but even a temporary departure breaks the hearts of Christian parents who wonder where they failed.

My son Rusty, who preaches in Port Charlotte, Florida, did some research on this topic and concluded that one of the primary mistakes modern Christian parents make is turning their kids into idols—giving a higher priority to their children than to God. When children become the center of the home, both parents and children can experience increased anxiety, disappointment, and confusion.

Here are six warning signs that you may be turning your child into an idol.

1. Scheduling your life around the child’s preferences. Restaurant choices, vacation destinations, travel-ball schedules, and even Sunday routines are most often determined by what the child wants.

When I was nine years old, I came home from Little League baseball practice and excitedly reported that our team was going to Cleveland to watch the Cleveland Indians play baseball. I had dreamed of seeing a major league game, and the time had come! But when my parents learned the trip was on Sunday, they immediately informed me that I was going to church, not to Cleveland. I was deeply disappointed! But the lesson was unmistakable—God was the center of our home, not me.

2. Narrating a child’s mediocrity as exceptional. Under the guise of “building self-esteem,” every drawing is a masterpiece and every soccer performance is exceptional. But praise untethered from actual effort or skill can prevent a child from facing reality later in life. Inflated praise can stoke unhealthy pride and leave children ill-prepared to cope with disappointment or failure. Perhaps grandparents have divine permission to heap unmerited flattery on the child, but parents have a responsibility to help their offspring cope with reality. That means not every child gets a trophy!

3. Shielding the child from all disappointment or discomfort. My generation grew up with the slogan, “You get in trouble at school, you’re in trouble at home!” But an increasing number of today’s parents call the teacher to argue about a grade, intervene in playground disputes, or rush papers to school when the child forgets and leaves homework behind.

Researchers use the term “intensive parenting.” We used to call it “helicopter parenting”—hovering over the child’s every move. Now some call it “snowplow” or “lawnmower” parenting because parents don’t just hover; they actively clear obstacles, even into the college years. Never letting a child experience the natural consequences of a mistake can undermine accountability and foster a sense of entitlement.

4. Deferring adult decisions to the child. Letting a child’s temper tantrum dictate family plans, asking a six-year-old what they want for dinner each night, or letting a junior high student’s preference determine the purchase of the new family car convinces children that the world revolves around them and undermines respect for adult authority.

5. Living through your child. The parents’ competitive natures are projected onto the child’s performance. Mom and Dad’s self-worth, daily mood, and social status become bound up in the child’s achievements. Whose toddler walks first, which child scores the most points, or who gets the highest ACT score becomes a driving force in the home. Children can live with performance anxiety, struggle to develop team spirit, and find it difficult to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15).

6. Documenting and broadcasting the child constantly. Social-media accounts, group texts, and daily conversations revolve heavily around the child’s accomplishments. Some call it “curating” a child’s image as though the child were a brand. Constant bragging about your children can cause other adults to withdraw from you—they are tired of hearing it! It may also create interpersonal problems for a child who becomes obsessed with performance instead of enjoying normal interaction with peers.

It’s natural in the flesh to be tempted to over-parent if you love your kids. But for their sake, and most importantly for the sake of your relationship with God, don’t idolize your children. Make it obvious that God comes first in your life, your marriage is second, and your children are deeply loved but still third in your home. That ordering can reduce pressure, give children room to develop their own gifts, and teach them to respect God’s authority over their lives.

Remember, parents, your primary responsibility is to prepare your child to know Jesus and cope with life without you. So decide today to love your kids deeply, but do not make them your god.

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Bob Russell is a retired senior pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, where he led the congregation through four decades to become one of the largest churches in America upon his retirement in 2006. Renowned for his church leadership insights, Bob currently leads Bob Russell Ministries, with a focus of mentoring pastors, consulting church leadership, and speaking at churches and conferences nationwide. He has authored over a dozen books and, through BobRussell.org, has written over 600 weekly articles, offering Biblical guidance on contemporary issues.

"Who Jesus Comes From Is Who He Comes For" by Eric Geiger

When you trace the genealogy of Jesus back through the Old Testament, you don’t find a pristine family tree of spiritual giants. You find deceivers and the unwanted. Even looking at one couple in Genesis 29 reminds us of this shocking reality: Jacob and Leah.

The Deceived, Deceiver

Jacob was a deceiver, and even his name carried that meaning. He deceived his father on his deathbed to steal the blessing from his brother. After fleeing for his life, he goes to his uncle’s home, where he meets Rachel. He found her beautiful and promised to work seven years for her father, in order to marry her. But on the wedding night, in an ancient act of deception, Rachel’s father substituted the less attractive sister as the bride. The next morning, Jacob discovered he had married the wrong woman. He had been jacobed—deceived.

The Unwanted Woman

The unwanted woman is Leah. Scripture doesn’t hide the pain: “When the Lord saw that Leah was neglected, he opened her womb…” (v. 31). Leah knew she was unloved. She knew she was second choice. She knew she was the woman Jacob never wanted. She did what many of us do when we feel unloved; she tried harder, trying to earn Jacob’s love through her children. She had a son and named him Reuben, saying, “…‘The LORD has seen my affliction; surely my husband will love me now’” (v. 32). But Jacob didn’t love her more. She had another son, Simeon. Still, nothing changed. She had a third son, Levi, declaring, “…‘At last, my husband will become attached to me because I have borne three sons for him’” (v. 34). Three children. Three attempts to earn love. Three times disappointed.

Then Leah had a fourth son. But this time, something was different. She named him Judah and said, “This time I will praise the LORD,” and then “Leah stopped having children” (v. 35). When she quit trying to achieve her husband’s affection and rejoiced that she had already received God’s attention and affection, she had peace. She stopped striving when she started resting in the love she already had from God.

Of the twelve tribes of Israel (Jacob’s new name), four come from Leah. Including the tribe of Judah. Jesus is the Lion from the tribe of Judah. Jesus comes from a deceiver and a woman who struggled with being loved because who Jesus comes from is who He comes for. Jesus comes for those who wonder if they are loved. He comes for those of who have been deceivers—and all of us have. Jesus has come here to the world He created to seek and to save you. He still pursues deceivers and those who feel unwanted. He still pursues people like us to make us His own.

(This originally appeared here).

Living Life as a Gift by Henri Nouwen

Gratitude goes beyond the ‘mine’ and ‘thine’ and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past, I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to receiving something good from someone. But as I grow in the spiritual life, I am learning that the deeper meaning of gratitude is to live life as a gift. When you wake up in the morning, realize that being alive is a gift, that seeing a friend is a gift, that hearing the rain against the window is a gift. Everything is grace. - Quote by Henri Nouwen 

Keeping Your Well Full: Pouring Out Without Running Dry by Skylar Spradlin

 I once stumbled upon an old well that was about 30 feet from an old farmhouse and 100 feet from a creek bottom. It seemed about 20 feet deep and 10 feet wide with brick walls and a brick opening. At the time, it had about two feet of crystal-clear water in the bottom, but it was also littered with old trash, dead animals, and other items that had been tossed in over the years. The water was clear, but because of the pollution, it had become contaminated.

That old well comes to mind when I think about our spiritual lives. God’s people are not hoarders of spiritual blessing—if we can pour ourselves out, we will. Paul says as much when he is summarizing his ministry to Timothy at the end of his life: “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come (2 Tim. 4:6).” We pour ourselves out in service, teaching, care for others, good works, and in a number of other ways. Pouring ourselves out is a good, Christlike thing to do, but we must be careful lest we fail to pay attention to what pours into us and we become contaminated like that old well.

Like that old well, if we aren’t careful about what we put into our hearts and minds, we might find that our well is contaminated. Contaminated water is as useless as having no water at all. Likewise, our spiritual outpouring is useless if it is mixed with worldliness or falsehood. Thus, we must be diligent, discerning, and intentional about how we refresh ourselves when running low.

What You Are Filled with Matters

If you take the deepest well and begin to pump water out of it at the highest possible volume without ceasing, you will eventually exhaust that well’s resources. It may recover, but it will take time, and the following output levels will be much lower than they originally were. In fact, serious damage may be done, and the well may never return to what it once was. It is the same with our own spiritual output. We must pour ourselves out, but we must also fill ourselves up with what is honoring to God. If we pour ourselves out but never fill ourselves up, then severe damage can be done.

Continual ministry without refilling leads to consequences like burnout, half-hearted service, tainted care, and sin. Though called to pour ourselves out for Christ’s sake, we are not infinite creatures. We are finite, dependent creatures in need of recharging. We are reminded of our limited output every time we require sleep, water, and food; therefore, we need to be constantly recharged. So how can we be recharged?

Sources of Water for the Thirsty Soul

We can’t be filled by just anything—what you are filled by is equally important. We must be recharged by spending time with Christ. Below are three ways that we can be filled in a way that honors Christ:

1. We Must Fill Ourselves with the Word (1 Peter 2:2).

We must not wait until we have run dry before we seek to be refilled. Every day, we must continually replenish ourselves with God’s Word. We must let it encourage us, strengthen us, guide us, and mold us. Then, when we pour ourselves out in service to Christ, what will come out will be the pure water of the Word.

2. We Must Cultivate Our Relationship with Jesus Through Genuine Prayer.

Reading the Bible for the sake of intellect will not replenish a thirsty soul. However, Bible intake paired with genuine, relational prayer will fill up a parched soul with eternal springs of water (John 4:13–14). If we are walking with Jesus, the source of eternal life, we will be satisfied by his water. We must be connected to the Lord’s supply. We will be of minimal use if we are ministering from something other than a thriving relationship with Jesus.

3. We Must Be Replenished in the Context of the Local Church.

Our own personal Bible reading and prayer life can be a source of constant fruit and energy, but our efforts of walking with Jesus are incomplete apart from walking with a congregation of believers. This is by God’s design. Therefore, the local church is the final piece of the puzzle—the icing on the cake—to a full and abundant life of enjoying the treasures of Jesus and pouring them out in service to his name. Every time the church meets together, there is opportunity to be filled up, encouraged, strengthened, enabled, and sent back out to serve the mission of Christ.

Dear Christian, you are called to spend all your resources for the sake of Christ’s glory. But if you do not digest the Word of God regularly, have a vibrant walk with Christ, or be regularly filled in a local church, then your well will run dry. If your heart dries up, then bad things may happen. But Christ is an endless source of life. He can enable us to continue in our service to him. Let us remain connected to him that we may be useful in the King’s service!

What We Can Learn From Arranged Marriages by Eric Geiger

 Here are two scenes of two twenty-five-year-old young men.

Scene one: A 25-year-old sits alone in his apartment, swiping through dating profiles on the phone. At it for an hour. The faces blur together. Split-second decisions are made based on photos and a few lines of bio. No one else is involved. No one else even knows. It’s just the person, the algorithm, and hundreds of strangers.

Scene two: A large family dinner in another culture and another time. Three generations are seated around the table. The conversation turns to the 25-year-old son. The grandmother mentions a young woman from a good family she knows. The father talks about the woman’s character—how she cares for her aging parents. The mother has observed how she treats children at community gatherings. The uncle knows her work ethic. Multiple perspectives. Generational wisdom. The family discusses who will approach her father.

The second scene sounds crazy in our individualistic culture, but which scene is new and which scene is more proven?

I have two daughters and have had zero conversations about arranging their marriages. I am also thankful that Kaye’s parents did not believe in arranged marriages, as they would not have arranged her marriage to me. That is not me being humble. The reality is that all her siblings live on her father’s property in their own homes on lots of family land. And I was a preacher who was open to going anywhere, so the land allotted for Kaye and me remains unused.

But we should understand that most research puts the divorce rate in the U.S. at 40% and the global divorce rate for arranged marriages at 1%. Why?

Those who advocate for arranged marriages point to the low divorce rates among arranged marriages. Divorce rates in the US are around 40% and arranged marriages globally have an often-cited divorce rate of 1%. Yes, there is a sad backstory to that stat. Not always, but in some cases, there is oppression, women are viewed as property, or the marriage is forced. As Christians, we are against that as we value women and men as image bearers. Not all arranged marriages are that way, and in arranged marriages where the divorce rate is low, sociologists point to the commitment from the families to each other and the mentoring the family provides.

In his insightful and research-based book Get Married, Brad Wilcox highlights Asian Americans as one of the groups he calls the “masters of marriage” because of their commitment to marriage through challenges and even seasons of “not being happy.” We have many Asian American couples in our church, so I loved reading Brad’s observations. One of the reasons their commitment to marriage is often higher is because of their commitment to community. The couples are not only thinking about themselves but also their kids, their immediate family, and their extended family. They have not bought the cultural lie that marriage is “just between us.” They realize that their marriage impacts a lot of other people.

The lesson is that we should date and be married in community. We should benefit from the wisdom of a God-honoring community, and we should remember that our marriages impact more people than the lie that it’s “just between us.”

These two Proverbs have always been and will always be true.

A fool’s way is right in his own eyes,
but whoever listens to counsel is wise.
(Proverbs 12:15)

Plans fail when there is no counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
(Proverbs 15:22)

The post What We Can Learn From Arranged Marriages appeared first on Eric Geiger – Eric Geiger, Author and Senior Pastor, Mariners Church.

7 Lies About Our Love Lives by Eric Geiger

 Single, dating, or married, we are bombarded with messages from the culture about our love lives, and many of the messages are false and damaging. The clichés about our love lives that the world offers are presented as modern proverbs—pithy statements of wisdom for our good. But these modern proverbs from the world are leaving people frustrated and disappointed. There is a completely different set of Proverbs from the Word—pithy statements of godly wisdom that speak to your love life. The modern proverbs from the world hurt, but the Proverbs from the Word are helpful, beautiful, refreshing, and true.

1. Lie from the world: Find your soulmate.

The world pleads with you to find your soulmate—the one who can complete you. The cultural cliché hurts those who are single by hinting that they are lacking someone to make them whole. It hurts those who are dating by causing them to pass on great options in hopes of the mythical “one.” And it hurts those who are married, setting unrealistic expectations and causing some to view any conflict as a hint that “this must not be my soulmate.” The Word says you are not half a person who needs someone else to complete you. No, you were created by God and cut off from Him because of your own sin. But He came here to make you one with Himself, and if you fear Him, your soul is satisfied. Another person can’t satisfy your soul, but the God who created you will satisfy your soul if you trust Him.

2. Lie from the world: Follow your heart.

The world says, “follow your heart.” The Word cautions you against that advice because our hearts and our feelings are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and can lead us down painful paths—including in our relationships. Instead, the Word encourages you to “guard your heart.” While some have said “the heart wants what the heart wants,” the Word helps us see that we train our hearts to want what God wants, which is best for us. We guard our hearts by carefully choosing the counsel we hear, where we go, and the friends we have.

3. Lie from the world: Love at first sight.

The world uses phrases like “love at first sight” and “love is a feeling.” But beauty is fleeting, and love is not a feeling; love is a commitment. In Proverbs 31, we see the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman and a Proverbs 31 man—the qualities that outlast physical beauty and serve as a steady foundation for a relationship. Beauty is fleeting and charm can lie to you, but character can grow, and character must be the foundation of a relationship—not sight.

4. Lie from the world: Let love find you.

Marriage rates in the US are at the lowest point in history. Marriage has been presented as something to delay and something that could lower your happiness, despite research that points to the happiness of marriage (see the book Get Married by Brad Wilcox). Men are pursuing less for a myriad of reasons. Some look to the culture that has caused men to pull back for fear of being called toxic. Some look to men who have decided not to pursue. The cliché to “let love find you” is upended by the counsel from the wisdom writer to men to “find a wife.” Often, love does not find you; you must go searching. The Proverb holds women in high regard (she is a blessing, you don’t deserve her, and pursue her).

5. Lie from the world: It’s just between us.

The world, especially in the West, paints relationships as just between the two people. This hurts both dating relationships and marriages. Those dating and those married miss the wisdom and perspective from community. And cultures that view marriage as the union of families have much lower divorce rates than those that view marriage as just the union between individuals. The wise way to date and to be married is in community (where you can benefit from the collective wisdom of others) because “plans fail when there is no counsel.”

6. Lie from the world: Cut discomfort out of your life.

The clichés about cutting people out of your life, even a spouse who does not serve your life goals, abound. God uses marriage to make us uncomfortable, so we can cut the sin out of our lives, not the people we have committed to. After marriage, even with two amazing people, the reality is that there will be conflict. You can stir them up or you can cover them with love, commitment, and forgiveness. To be clear, I am not suggesting covering abuse or abandonment, but the inevitable conflicts of two people who are married.

7. Lie from the world: Variety is the spice of life.

The head of sales at Ashley Madison (the website designed to connect cheating spouses) said that their company’s biggest competitor was the Bible. The world gives you cliches like “it is just sex,” “you only live once,” and “variety is the spice of life,” which encourage people to find thrills and sex outside of their marriages. Proverbs 5:1-14 gives a strong warning against adultery and how it can ruin you and everything. But verses 15-20 give us the way to avoid adultery—rejoicing in the spouse of your youth and allowing him or her to be the only cistern you drink from.

The proverbs of the world may seem right, but in the end, they lead to death. The Proverbs from the Word are life.

Special thanks to my good friend JP (Jonathan Pokluda) whose book Outdated served as the foundation for the framing above.

The post 7 Lies About Our Love Lives appeared first on Eric Geiger – Eric Geiger, Author and Senior Pastor, Mariners Church.

The Abuse of Grace Which God Takes VERY seriously

Grace is God's only means of salvation for lost humanity.  And because of that, God takes the abuse of grace very seriously.  How seriously?

First, let it be stated plainly:  grace is the antithesis of works.  Grace is so God-filled and saturated that there is no room for man's works, and it is an insult to God to even hint at including them in salvation.

Why?

1. The abuse of grace condemns the preacher who proclaims it.

If a preacher (or even an angel) preaches a gospel mixed with man's works, Paul says in Galatians 1:6-9 that such a preacher has perverted the gospel and should be accused - sentenced to hell.  Why would Paul give such a major pronouncement to a false preacher?  Because that false preacher is leading other people to hell, and to Paul, it would be better for one person (the preacher) to be eternally separated from God than many persons who might be persuaded by his preaching.

Man's works will not lead him to Heaven, they lead to hell.  And even grace with a mixture of works will do the same because anything added to grace causes grace to no longer be grace.

2. The abuse of grace nullifies faith, which is necessary for salvation.

Paul used Abraham as an example in Romans 4 that he was not justified by his works, but by his faith.  And then Paul says in verse 4, "Now to him who works, the wages are not counted as grace but as debt."  If you work for something, you don't consider payment for that work to be grace, but instead what was owed to you.  

People can try to make deals with God.  Let my sick grandmother live, and I will live for you.  Heal my body and I will live for you.  God does not make deals.  

When a person realizes they are a sinner incapable of producing any good, then when God saves that person totally on the basis of the redemptive work of Jesus, then whatever that person receives in life is received with joy and patience because it is more than they deserve.

And when you make deals with God, it nullifies faith.  Romans 4:16 "Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace..."  If you believe, even the smallest of man's works brings salvation, then your faith is in your works, not fully in the cross of Jesus Christ.

3. The abuse of grace gives glory to man and away from the cross of Jesus Christ.

I hear people say things like:

* I accepted Jesus Christ when I was young.

* I found Jesus 

* I was saved forty years ago.

What is the common denominator of all of those statements?  "I" - 

The story of salvation is not about us but about Jesus Christ.  All glory and praise go to Him and not to us.

Isaiah 42:8 "My glory I will not give to another."

God does not share His glory with man.

Paul said in Galatians 6:14, "But God forbid that I should glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ ..."

In Heaven, the only persons who will be there are those who will give glory to "the Lamb seated on the throne."  No one will be able to declare or boast of their work, position, or profession that earned them the right to be in Heaven.

Blessings;

David