Ed and Lisa Young wrote a book together called Sexperiment. While the books centers around a seven-day "sexperiment," there is much in the book that is practical and good for singles, engaged couples and marrieds.
I shared on this blog this past Monday (October 28, 2013) a segment of the book "Ten Commandments of Oneness."
Later in the book they write about conflict and suggest these "rules of engagement."
1. Never compare. If conflict arises, never say, "You act just like your mom," or "My father would never do it that way."
2. Never use absolutes. "You always..." "You never...." "Every single time...." Absolutes sound like keeping score.
3. Never fight in the bedroom. Make love, not war, in the bedroom.
4. Never threaten your spouse. Don't use money, sex, or the threat of divorce as leverage to gain the upper hand. Fight fair.
5. Never change lanes. You may feel as though you're losing ground in a particular disagreement, but don't succumb to the temptation to change the subject to another argument to confuse the issue.
6. Never play reporter. It's a reporter's job to interrupt people. A reporter will talk with someone and before the person is finished with one answer, the next question is fired off.
7. Don't play scorekeeper. "Well, two weeks ago I won and I am going for an undefeated string for the month. I am not going to lose." When we keep score, everyone loses in the relationship.
8. Don't become a psychologist. "The reason that you are acting like this is because..." Even if you are a psychologist, no one wants to be analyzed all the time.
9. Don't play the historian. The historian looks back into the marital archives and retrieves issues that were going on even in your dating relationship.
10. Never quit!! Keep believing in God's restoration power in your marriage. Don't give up. Remember the covenant you made before a holy God to love and honor, to cherish, to have and to hold.
(Pages 169-170)
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