A Thin Line for Pastors from Caring for People and People Pleasing

The last thing a struggling, active pastor wants to hear is from someone who is no longer serving as a pastor.  So, warning...maybe you don't need to read this. 

This blog may be more self-reflection than directive for those who are still active serving.  Pastoring is tough and I failed far more times than I had any since of fulfillment.  But as I reflect, one of the areas of failure is walking the thin line between caring for people and people pleasing.

And I do mean it is a thin line.  I even thought of calling it a slippery slope.  

I don't know a pastor who does not care for people.   A pastor is a shepherd, and a true shepherd cares for his sheep.  So every pastor cares deeply for the people he is privileged and called to serve.  He cares for them when they hurt in their relationships, vocational issues, physical problems, financial challenges, and of course, spiritually.  When they hurt, he hurts.  This even goes beyond the person, but to their family and even friends.  I would pray for them, contact them, be with them, and walk with them through deep valleys and dark times of the soul.

While this is normal for a pastor, one of the dangers of being a pastor is to become a people pleaser.  While everyone faces that same challenge in one way or another, pastors are especially vulnerable because of their deep care for people.  They don't want to add to their sorrow or load of care.  We don't want people to be upset with us or speaking/thinking negatively of us.  

But it is almost impossible to be a true leader of people and at the same time wish to please everyone. Every leader in the Bible had times when the people were upset with the leader or even rebelled against them.  Every pastor has to deal with those same realities, but it does not mean we like it.  

I wish I had done better with this, but I will readily admit I failed.  But let me speak to what I wish I had done as a pastor in regard to this:

* Realize there will always be people disappointed with you and even flat don't like you.

* Set boundaries mentally and emotionally.  I can't tell you where those boundaries need to be, but they must be present.  Don't permit people outside of your immediate circle to go any further than a set place.  I did not do this well, if at all.  I can't tell you how to do this.  But it I do believe it is essential to survive.

* Find the good landing spot between your heart being tender and tough.  Again, you will often fall on one side or the other of this thin line. 

* Find times of getting away from people for a season (prayer retreat, vacation, etc).  Jesus did.  He would leave the crowd and go somewhere alone with God.  We are not better than Jesus, so we must do so as well.  

* Don't forget Acts 6:4 when the apostles said the needs of the people should never cause the man of God to forsake "prayer and the Word."  As important as caring for people is, the ministry of prayer and the Word is even more.