Single, dating, or married, we are bombarded with messages from the culture about our love lives, and many of the messages are false and damaging. The clichés about our love lives that the world offers are presented as modern proverbs—pithy statements of wisdom for our good. But these modern proverbs from the world are leaving people frustrated and disappointed. There is a completely different set of Proverbs from the Word—pithy statements of godly wisdom that speak to your love life. The modern proverbs from the world hurt, but the Proverbs from the Word are helpful, beautiful, refreshing, and true.
1. Lie from the world: Find your soulmate.
The world pleads with you to find your soulmate—the one who can complete you. The cultural cliché hurts those who are single by hinting that they are lacking someone to make them whole. It hurts those who are dating by causing them to pass on great options in hopes of the mythical “one.” And it hurts those who are married, setting unrealistic expectations and causing some to view any conflict as a hint that “this must not be my soulmate.” The Word says you are not half a person who needs someone else to complete you. No, you were created by God and cut off from Him because of your own sin. But He came here to make you one with Himself, and if you fear Him, your soul is satisfied. Another person can’t satisfy your soul, but the God who created you will satisfy your soul if you trust Him.
2. Lie from the world: Follow your heart.
The world says, “follow your heart.” The Word cautions you against that advice because our hearts and our feelings are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and can lead us down painful paths—including in our relationships. Instead, the Word encourages you to “guard your heart.” While some have said “the heart wants what the heart wants,” the Word helps us see that we train our hearts to want what God wants, which is best for us. We guard our hearts by carefully choosing the counsel we hear, where we go, and the friends we have.
3. Lie from the world: Love at first sight.
The world uses phrases like “love at first sight” and “love is a feeling.” But beauty is fleeting, and love is not a feeling; love is a commitment. In Proverbs 31, we see the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman and a Proverbs 31 man—the qualities that outlast physical beauty and serve as a steady foundation for a relationship. Beauty is fleeting and charm can lie to you, but character can grow, and character must be the foundation of a relationship—not sight.
4. Lie from the world: Let love find you.
Marriage rates in the US are at the lowest point in history. Marriage has been presented as something to delay and something that could lower your happiness, despite research that points to the happiness of marriage (see the book Get Married by Brad Wilcox). Men are pursuing less for a myriad of reasons. Some look to the culture that has caused men to pull back for fear of being called toxic. Some look to men who have decided not to pursue. The cliché to “let love find you” is upended by the counsel from the wisdom writer to men to “find a wife.” Often, love does not find you; you must go searching. The Proverb holds women in high regard (she is a blessing, you don’t deserve her, and pursue her).
5. Lie from the world: It’s just between us.
The world, especially in the West, paints relationships as just between the two people. This hurts both dating relationships and marriages. Those dating and those married miss the wisdom and perspective from community. And cultures that view marriage as the union of families have much lower divorce rates than those that view marriage as just the union between individuals. The wise way to date and to be married is in community (where you can benefit from the collective wisdom of others) because “plans fail when there is no counsel.”
6. Lie from the world: Cut discomfort out of your life.
The clichés about cutting people out of your life, even a spouse who does not serve your life goals, abound. God uses marriage to make us uncomfortable, so we can cut the sin out of our lives, not the people we have committed to. After marriage, even with two amazing people, the reality is that there will be conflict. You can stir them up or you can cover them with love, commitment, and forgiveness. To be clear, I am not suggesting covering abuse or abandonment, but the inevitable conflicts of two people who are married.
7. Lie from the world: Variety is the spice of life.
The head of sales at Ashley Madison (the website designed to connect cheating spouses) said that their company’s biggest competitor was the Bible. The world gives you cliches like “it is just sex,” “you only live once,” and “variety is the spice of life,” which encourage people to find thrills and sex outside of their marriages. Proverbs 5:1-14 gives a strong warning against adultery and how it can ruin you and everything. But verses 15-20 give us the way to avoid adultery—rejoicing in the spouse of your youth and allowing him or her to be the only cistern you drink from.
The proverbs of the world may seem right, but in the end, they lead to death. The Proverbs from the Word are life.
Special thanks to my good friend JP (Jonathan Pokluda) whose book Outdated served as the foundation for the framing above.
The post 7 Lies About Our Love Lives appeared first on Eric Geiger – Eric Geiger, Author and Senior Pastor, Mariners Church.
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