But I admit that I've not really "stayed-at-home" much. I have gone to the office almost every day and for most of those days, they were close to full days of work. I have gone for take-out often. But my interaction with others has been very limited.
But here are some thoughts about this nine-week period of my life.
1. Anointed Preaching
I do not wish to sound "prideful" here, but I have to admit the period of camera preaching has resulted in some times of sensing the presence and movement of the Holy Spirit very strongly. I'm not asking for others to agree, but I sense this period of preaching has resulted in God speaking through me in very practical and profound ways and I would say, it has been a very easy season of preaching for me.
I do question, "Why?" I have read a few articles by pastors who have suggested more focus by the preacher, fewer distractions caused by a "live" congregation, and more "alone" time with God as contributed to make preaching better. All of those things I agree with could be the reason. All I know is I have enjoyed this season of preaching.
2. Loneliness in Leadership
One of the aspects of leadership is a sense of loneliness "at the top." While this is debated as to whether it should happen, all I can say is this has been a very lonely time of leading. Again, "Why?" One of the main reasons is the unprecedented (don't you hate that word by now) nature of this season, especially for churches. Nine weeks of no gathered worship. Wait - NINE WEEKS? Are you kidding? While I have had a couple staff meetings, personal meetings with leadership, and Deacons' meetings during this time, the day-to-day leadership has been very lonely.
Then the very nature of what has been on my plate. I have learned about the CDC, Alabama Department of Health, and got briefings from our EMA on a virus storm, not a tornado. Then I spent the better part of four weeks learning about the CARES act and how churches were included in it. WHAT? Churches receiving government funds? This has never even been a topic of discussion in 42 years of being a senior pastor, but it suddenly became a HUGE topic. While I did reach out to a few pastors over the phone, I had no one to sit down with person-to-person to talk through my ever-changing mind filled with questions and anxiety. Do I dare lead a church to receive government funds? How can I face the church if I don't?
The constant decision to "cancel, postpone." Then the second half of this season shifted to listening and reading everything I could about how to re-open the church when that time came. Issues a pastor should never have to consider.
3. Puzzlement about my Spiritual Walk
This is the only way I know to describe this...puzzling. As those who know me, I often spend time away in study and prayer. These times are some of the greatest times of my life reading, studying, praying, seeking the Lord, and getting direction for the church and my own life. Even my vacation times are spent reading great gospel books.
So, I was thinking this extra time alone would produce even more of these great times, right? It didn't happen. All the conferences went online and most of them, free. WOW - a smorgasbord of learning and encouragement coming my way from my computer screen. While I did read several books and had some quality time with the Lord, I will not look back on this time as one of the greatest spiritual seasons of my life.
I will address this in a special message this Sunday (5-17-20), but I believe one of the reasons contributing is the lack of gathered worship. God NEVER intended for His people to miss seasons of gathered worship and when they do, the spiritual hedge around them comes down. As I said to one of our Deacons, the gate to the flock has been left open and the enemy has had full and easy access to the flock. (Which should make any true Shepherd angry.) Gathered worship makes a difference.
4. Blessed beyond measure
Final comment. Roxanne and I are blessed beyond measure. We are so humbled for the provision and protection of our Lord to us. We don't deserve it, but His grace has been extremely abundant.
Early in the process, I was speaking to a dear brother. As we talked, the Lord showed me (a way God often speaks to me through pictures...learned that from Peter Lord) a wide gulf of His grace. I just heard Him say, "In this season, the gulf of grace is wider and deeper than you can imagine." It always is, but when you go through the storm, the valley, or tough times...His grace is equal to the season.
I'm not a prophet, but I doubt we will ever experience anything like this again. Even if we have a "second-wave," there will never be another first-time and I doubt we will ever again go through nine-weeks of shutting down the church. But at the end of the day, I am blessed beyond measure to called by God to be a shepherd, pastor, preacher of His body, the church.
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